[Eren realizes it's a bit overwhelming. He knows that there were better ways he could have told this story, better ways he could've explained his world without making it so cruel and dark. The problem was that was exactly the kind of world he came from. He didn't know how to make it gentle or soften the extremity of the situation. It was pointless to and as much as he cared for Rui, he didn't want to land the blow of the truth any more soft.
He could have gone on to explain that he lost his arm as well and was swallowed whole by a titan but those were the parts he was fuzziest about. That and he figured that he'd made it clear enough what had happened on that battle field.
There were plenty more stories that he could have told. He didn't. He watched Rui carefully, feeling anxiety worm itself up into his gut and expand further. His response makes Eren's eyes flutter shut for a moment and he takes a deep breath.]
I would die for humanity, Rui. I- [He opens his eyes back up and he finds himself feeling comforted by his reaction to this all.]
Maybe it has helped me be okay. But I don't know what it means in the long run. No one does. It's a mystery to everyone including my superiors. They don't understand it any better than I do. I don't know if it's going to erase my humanity. I don't know how long I can control it. I've lost control before. I-...My captain was chosen for me because he was the only person entrusted to kill me if it became necessary. B-Before I came here though, to Zodion, I was actually um. I was about to be executed- I think. We'd just failed a mission. I lost another squad. And it was the mission that was supposed to prove my worth or something and- we failed- and I was gonna be taken to the military police supposedly- they only ever wanted me dead. So it helped me be okay in some ways and not so much in others. I'm a criminal to some, a savior to others, a monster to a lot- I don't know. It's. Complicated.
Action
He could have gone on to explain that he lost his arm as well and was swallowed whole by a titan but those were the parts he was fuzziest about. That and he figured that he'd made it clear enough what had happened on that battle field.
There were plenty more stories that he could have told. He didn't. He watched Rui carefully, feeling anxiety worm itself up into his gut and expand further. His response makes Eren's eyes flutter shut for a moment and he takes a deep breath.]
I would die for humanity, Rui. I- [He opens his eyes back up and he finds himself feeling comforted by his reaction to this all.]
Maybe it has helped me be okay. But I don't know what it means in the long run. No one does. It's a mystery to everyone including my superiors. They don't understand it any better than I do. I don't know if it's going to erase my humanity. I don't know how long I can control it. I've lost control before. I-...My captain was chosen for me because he was the only person entrusted to kill me if it became necessary. B-Before I came here though, to Zodion, I was actually um. I was about to be executed- I think. We'd just failed a mission. I lost another squad. And it was the mission that was supposed to prove my worth or something and- we failed- and I was gonna be taken to the military police supposedly- they only ever wanted me dead. So it helped me be okay in some ways and not so much in others. I'm a criminal to some, a savior to others, a monster to a lot- I don't know. It's. Complicated.